Saturday, June 25, 2011
The blog you never want to write or R.I.P.
My blogger friends,
I have not had the energy to blog in the last week for my focus was on my Dad. He went in to respite care the day before Father's day as my Mom was going to take a much needed rest and small vacation. I was to take care of him after five days of respite. He had liver, colon, and lung cancer. He also had COPD, a heart condition and two aneurysms. The man seemed to have nine lives.
I went to visit him everyday.
This Monday he began to take a weird turn. He got progressively worse and on Wednesday he passed away.
I was the only one with him on the day he took his last breathe. I had just put his favorite singer on, Sarah Brightman, and watched him say goodbye to this world. He had no pain and the music made him seem to be even more at peace.
I wish that I could say that gives me some comfort. In some ways it does, in other ways, it does not.
I am grateful that I got to spend the last few days with him even if he could not speak to me. We spoke about a few memories we had together and at one point I saw a tear come from his eyes. Maybe this was a knowing or a wishing that things had been different between us. Maybe it was just simply a moment of time that had gone by that was good and precious. Truly, I cannot be for sure.
Even as I write this I am utterly sick of the time that was wasted over the years. The time I spent ticked at him for something that happened 23 years ago. Or the times that I felt so alienated by him. Why did forgiveness not come sooner?
Yet, the last 6 months had been wonderfully great and there in the end, it was just he and I. It was just a father and a daughter spending the time he had left together with only an understanding of love.
I will and do miss my Dad already. I could never have imagined him being gone from this earth and yet he is. I am blessed in knowing and in what my faith tells me, that he is with me in spirit. That I suppose is where the comfort truly lies.
He was an organ donor so it is also great to know that someones life will be blessed because of his gift.
So, Dad, I love you. I will miss your humor and your endless trivia, but most of all, I will miss your face. It is not so much as goodbye as see you later.